Venture to Korea with Amanda & Abi
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a new and perhaps unwanted development
Originally I thought the 6 month mark would never come, and if it did, I really thought I would be super happy to be halfway finished, with the end in sight, and expected the excitement of coming home and seeing friends and family to overcome me....however, that's not what's happening. To me at least, I can't speak for Amanda on this one. This past week/weekend I've been feeling really really down that we're halfway finished. Of course I miss people, so don't take it personally, but it just suddenly occured to me that I will never see these people again, ever. I know it's a bit early on to be thinking this already, after all, six months is a long time. I often say to my kids "guess what today is" and then I'll tell them "it's friday, woo hoo!!!" or if it's one of my friends' or family members' birthdays or an American holiday and they roll their eyes at me and ask to play a game. But this time I told them it was Abi teachers six months in Korea. They didn't understand the significance and I explained to them that in six months I would go back to America. I explained the contract to them, and they all seemed really confused. Now most of my kids are 12 or 13 and understand English pretty well, especially when I slow it down/make it easier for them. Some of the rambunctious ones were cheering, but others looked as if I had ripped their hearts out. I didn't mean to upset them and generally thought that they knew that i wouldn't be there forever as all foreigners generally teach on one year contracts. One of my students even wrote me a note, asking me to stay in Korea and saying that she'll never forget me and I have to promise not to forget Intermediate students in America. As if that wasn't sad enough, I went out on both friday and saturday night with my Korean friends. I hadn't seen one in a while so I told him that it was our anniversary and he looked so sad and said "Abi no, please please stay." My friend Gil kept smiling at me on saturday and then he'd make this sad face and say "six months." Don't get me wrong, of course I'm flattered and really happy that so many people love me and will be sad to see me go, it makes me feel really good. But more than good, I feel awful. Every time I hang out with my friends it feels like it's the last time I'll ever see them. I'm all emotional and telling everyone that i love them, even before I start drinking! Even worse, Eric, my Korean teacher drove me home and in the car outside my house started listing all the great things about Korea. Telling me about the food and the people and the pay. He just sort of steered the conversation into "Korea rocks." I almost started crying and told him I didn't have any plans other than my brothers wedding and anything could happen. Saturday was also our dearest friend Robert's babies one year old birthday, which is a big deal in this country. We got to go to this big party with all this crazy food, songs, dancing, traditional clothing and to watch him and his wife and his baby, I almost cried again. Then the Korean girl who was being our guide, because she speaks English, volunteered me in some contest, which I was unaware of, for having come from the furthest away for the babies birthday. Second place went to Seoul... :) Later while we were eating with her she was talking about when she lived in America and was talking about all the things about America she hated....which of course are all the things that I hate too, and probably most American's hate. And the icing on the cake is everyone asking me what I'm going to do when my contract is up. It's the worst question because I have no idea what I'm going to do. I don't feel like I have much left in Milwaukee but the idea of starting over somewhere else is so daunting. I'm so used to things here and it's such an easy existence now that I'm used to everything and can speak enough to get by, and then some. It's the first time in my life, I know I'm young, that I've really loved my job and that's something I once thought was impossible. It's also something about being out of college and being truly without a path. I know general things I'd like to do at some point but now it's all up to me what I want to do and when and it's so hard for me to decide what's best. So basically I just really needed to vent all of that, and I hope it doesn't read too crazily. Please know that I miss you all and being here is really hard on that end but, but but.....................
~as always...ms. confused abi
posted by: 2SKLadies at 09:05 |
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